Does it rile you up when somebody feels sorry for you?
What happens in the background?
Feeling not good enough, weak, embarrassed?
These are the moments when my strong woman syndrome may kick in.
I got a message from an old acquaintance who was reading a social media profile.
He found it sad that I went through tough times and glad I found my path.
I was like; wtf? Why would you be sad about me??!! How dare you?
A green-eyed monster was about to wake up and I practically talked it down:
Well, this means that the hero`s journey formula that your coach asked you to bring into your profile does work. Yay.
He says so many nice things, he even took the time to read your full profile. Why did you get stuck on this one word; sad.
Why should someone thinking you had a sad story push your buttons; get over yourself.
The main mask that steps right in for me is pride. I feel sooooo proud, and it feels very off to be in such a situation.
What is your auto-response when someone thinks it is sad about you? Or better yet; what activates your strong woman syndrome?
wisdom #spiritualwareness #selfpower #innerjourney #mindfulness #selfdevelopment #truegrowth #innerwisdom #selfawareness #wellnessjourney
Our first couple of meetings I was a bit intimidated by you. Your deep experience, layered and beautiful oration around these complex, philosophical life questions, the confident, strong way you hold space during class - it's so much to witness!…
This is the first few sentences of a lovely card that a participant left behind for me after an intensive retreat.
This is also when the seeds of a big conversation were planted.
A conversation about the Strong Woman Syndrome.
Many feelings bubbled up for me the moment I held the card in my hand. First of all, I was very touched by the fact that this woman went through the effort of buying a really beautiful card despite the super-busy schedule; not only taking her time but also pouring open her heart to write an intimate note.
I am a sucker for gifts and notes!
However, there was this thought lurking up as I read those lines: There it is again; the strong woman story.
I knew it instantly; to be able to truly appreciate and enjoy the full message, I first needed to process what this story activates in me.
I have heard this many times, more often than you can imagine. In all the psychotherapeutic circles, team building exercises, or any occasion where you get the hear other people`s opinions about you, these words have been repeated by multiple people in the very setup.
Strong woman.
And every time I heard it, a part of me cringed.
Do you know why?
In the experience of this part of me, people are very mean and reckless to women they think are strong.
I remember being the subject of a conflict in a youth organization I worked at. One of the toughest times in my life, where I felt I gave my all and also created wonders. But there I was, reading a very aggressive email addressed to a large audience.
Not only was I overworked and exhausted but also shattered by the unfairness of the treatment I received.
I experienced two shocks while navigating through this interpersonal crisis.
First, I was shocked that no one spoke up for me for what seemed like forever. No, that is not the shocking part yet; just my oh it is so unfair victim narrative.
The shock was when I dared to ask my teammate why he wouldn`t say anything about the distorted email. He said, I never thought you would need me to speak up.
So not only is it ok for me to be attacked (because, come on, I can take it, I am strong, remember!) but also, I don`t need anyone to have my back!?
Ok. Good to know.
Cynicism aside, Id like to plant a little hook here and stress that Ill address this valid need for advocacy later on.
Then came the second shock. The vibe in the air was electric. I was feeling more and more tense, very overwhelmed by what was happening. Eventually, I ran into the person who wrote the offensive email at a huge social gathering. It was all simply too much for me at that moment. All I could do was burst into tears; expressing how sad I felt about this treatment. And you know what he said; I never thought you could be sad and vulnerable. You always appear so strong, hard to remember you are a human.
Here comes the second lesson, you are invincible (?!) so people are entitled to attack you all guns blazing.
So far, I wasn`t impressed by this strong woman persona. Neither could I do much about it. It was simply an energy I carried for many different reasons.
It made me stand out as a leader and achieve great things; while also generating lots of controversy that I got to explore later in my life in my inner work journey.
Early 20s when we are all busy shaping our ego may not be the wisest of times. Still, these experiences left a significant imprint leading to the strong woman syndrome.
Until it evolved into becoming a self-led woman in her power. But we will come to that later.
Do you remember the first seeds of this syndrome planted in your history?
