It took me a great deal of effort and inner work to appreciate myself.
As any other human being, I have my gifts and talents and how I relate to them is to a large extent programmed in my early years. I have been strongly shaped by parent/teacher centred learning where the knowledge and instructions of the giver is assumed to be superior to whatever the recipient, the topic or the setting have to offer. This kind of authoritarian sharing inevitably creates an internalised sense of hierarchy.
A gift is worthy if it can be assessed for its value, compared with others and acknowledged as such.
A gift can equally be thrown into garbage otherwise. Like how I did with my graphomania. One day a German teacher at my high school criticised my essay as `emotional` which is not a compliment among an academic staff influenced by the enlightenment movement in Europe worshipping reason above all. Impressionable as I was, I quit writing altogether.
My inner sense of hierarchy had no tolerance for weakness. Let's stay with what I appear to excel at!
Then the urge to write woke up after an intensive retreat on the roots of our ego. I still needed encouragement though and it came from a friend who was mentoring aspiring authors. He perceived my `emotional` writing as a `rich and authentic way of expressing my inner world` and convinced me that individual stories matter even on topics great words have been uttered about.
While saving the butchered parts, we also need to embrace new gifts that sprouted due to the slightly distorted formation though.
It is ingrained in me to respect and appreciate `knowledge`.
I am not an authority in spirituality.
Still, I share effectively what worked for me, inspired me, brought more wellness, contentment and authenticity into my life during my retreats and courses.
Now, I am looking forward to sharing FOR FREE the ever-evolving synthesis of my committed study and practice with you in a simple, accessible and above all humble way.
First step in that direction will be INSTA-LIVE sessions. (Instagram: @dijan.co)
Wednesdays 1pm UTC; I will have short talks on weekly announced topics, mostly followed up by a short meditation or practice related to the topic. If you catch me live, I will also react to questions and comments. Sessions will remain on IGTV if you miss the time.
These teasers will soon be followed up by slightly more elaborate podcasts but that is news for another time.